Because I said so!

ASK, KID, TEEN, TODDLER

Mother Arguing With Teenage Daughter

My name is Amy. I am pregnant with my first baby.

My parents always responded to my questions by saying, “Because I told you so.” I don’t think that is a good way to respond to your kids, but my boyfriend does. What do you think? Should a parent ever say to their children, “Because I told you so?”

Response: 

Amy I totally understand the frustration you had growing up. I had the same inquisitive nature accompanied by the same grievance towards my parents as a young child. I don’t know if I am providing the answer you are seeking but it is an honest response from my heart. I also don’t know your backstory so I am making some assumptions based on your question.

My first assumption, that you were in some sort of tiff or disagreement with your parents when they responded with, “Because I told you so.”

My second assumption, due to your recollection of the phrase, I am assuming that you were a preteen or teen when you experienced this response by your parents.

To be clear I also hate the phrase looking through the eyes of an adult. But I don’t think the answer is as simple as that. In the case of a preteen or teen, I think those words should almost never be used, at least initially. Whether you are disciplining a child or giving them instruction, they should respect what you are telling them, but on the other hand a dialogue needs to be allowed when rearing your children. If explanations are not given then they can’t learn the importance of what they are being instructed to do. If they are not being taught, you are just barking orders.

If you are referring to the toddler you will have in a couple years, all that I said above still applies, but there is another concern with small children. Toddlers are just figuring the world out, they don’t always understand when they may be putting themselves in danger. They need to also grasp that when you are telling them “don’t run out in the middle of the road” they can’t have a conversation with you while in harms way… sometimes they just have to listen.


Disclaimer

I am not the authority on any topic asked in this forum. For questions that may have medical implications, please consult your doctor or midwife. The purpose of this section of the site is to provide support, help, or a sounding board for individuals. Whether a person is going through struggles, would like to know they’re not alone, or find out which bottle worked best for my children, I will do my best to answer. There are going to be many ways to reply to all questions posted. I am merely providing my perspective. This forum is not meant for debate.

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