“Skinny” people have problems after pregnancy too. In many ways we live in a society where there are an appointed set of problems one is permitted to have, and the rest of society has a free pass to bully you regarding the rest. I am probably going to get some backlash for writing this article, but the topic of mean-girl mamas and the lack of support that is sometimes displayed can’t escape my mind, until I release it, I think. The love lost between women and friends regarding each others postpartum experience is one of the various reasons I decided another voice needed to be heard, so I started A Hundred Pockets. I have had no support from anyone around me regarding my postpartum body and thought others would like the support I was never given. For all you “skinny mamas” who have been mistreated, this is for you.
I wouldn’t say I am skinny, but most do, especially my friends with children. I am 30lbs. heavier than my pre-pregnancy body, have HH boobs and an hourglass, curvier figure. I am definitely not rail thin (don’t want to be either). When I was pregnant with my first child, everyone talked about weight gain. The most beautiful woman in the world to me is Christina Hendricks, she’s not a size 2, maybe I’d look more like her, (just joking). But seriously, I wasn’t concerned with gaining weight. I thought, so what, buy some new pants, gain a few pounds, fill out a bit, no big deal. There were a few mentions of stretch marks, but everyone I knew acted like they were no big deal and no one in my family even had any. That’s it, those are the only two issues in my post-pregnancy experience anyone was allowed to have.
If you didn’t gain what some would deem a significant amount of weight, everyone that did in my life seems to be mad at me and others I knew about it. Well there is a lot more that can happen to you than gaining weight. Loss of skin elasticity, patches of pigment on your body, skeletal changes, urinary and fecal incontinence, painful sex, postpartum depression… the list can go on and on. Some issues that I haven’t mentioned have even larger physical, medical implication.
The mean-girl reaction I got to not gaining “enough“ weight during pregnancy was dramatic. It got so bad, I stopped talking to a number of my friends. I became the skinny one that was excluded from their conversations about their bodies. My pain didn’t matter to them… in their eyes my struggles weren’t theirs and less than. A similar problem happened to my friend suffering from postpartum depression, though her struggle was real and was one that needed support from those around her, she didn’t get much. People in my life put so much attention and importance on their external appearance that they failed to see the merit, in the struggle of one of my closest and most loyal friends.
I am writing this to all moms. I just want to say, being a mom is hard physically and emotionally. We need to support and care for one another. There is enough pain and hardship in the world, we shouldn’t add to it. Let’s remember after pregnancy who our friends are and not be angry at each other for having “smaller” problems.
The post-pregnancy problem that gives me the most emotional discomfort is the loss of skin elasticity. Whats yours? If you have an issue and need support, write me… I’m here for you.